Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
