just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
