i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
