They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
