Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
