Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
