I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
