It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
