i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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