She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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