I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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