fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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