The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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