How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
