Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
