Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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