My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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