So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She bit a glass in half.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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