Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
