and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you had me at cake vodka
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
