I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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