I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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