Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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