No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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