im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
