and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
