You really coming over, don't trick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize