New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
