And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sober January is a disaster.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
