I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
