i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
