What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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