If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
