so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
