I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
