when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Text me some of your sweat
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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