What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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