Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
