I wish I could teleport
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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