Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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