And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
