just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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