Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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