You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
