i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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