the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize