I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
