i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A+ Viking dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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