I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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