i just wanna soil my oats bro
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
