I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
