Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
