My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
