Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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