I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
