Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
