those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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