when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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