i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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