They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize