my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
