exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
