Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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