She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
